my secret stash

Since saturday, I have been thinking a lot of about my core values and principles. About the hows and whys i do the things i do, the way i do it in my relationship, in my business dealings... etc. The cool thing about principles is that they are in some ways like relational formulas. Once you've formulate them, you just keep applying it and it becomes automatic. It helps to give me a quick and accurate decision making process.

I wonder just how many of my principles are in tuned with those of the Lord. How many of them are skewed by 'world' view and just how many more are formed over the years due to my own wants and desire.

The heart is deceitful, who can understand it?

Those dark secret doors. I only fear what's behind them.

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I tend to be over dominant and pushy when I want something done. My parents, my biz partners and my gf use the same word -- bulldoze.

In the process, I hurt feelings. I (appear) totally unemotional. Although most of the time, my intentions are good, my tone and body language just lets ppl know that the only thing i care about is getting MY job done.

I wonder what is at the core of me. This is certainly a very dark spot that I hope God can wave a magic wand and *puffs* I'm changed. Apparently not so.


I think I suffer for a lack of respect for other ppl's boundaries and myself. (If you have read the book boundaries by Henry Cloud you may have a better idea what I am talking about) It's an issue where I have to learn how to love my own boundaries and be responsible for how I feel and yet at respect and love others for theirs.

I've learn recently that you really can't change anyone, but one can try to influence them-- only after they know you care.

Lord I just pray that you help me in this area of dealing with people and that I may capture the spirit of servanthood and leardership.